hello 41

well aren't you a painful little thing aren't cha?!

It feels like as soon as I turned 40 last year, like legit the day after, my health was like yup we done here. Right before I turned 40 I ended up in the ER (that’s not new) after suffering for 3 days with a nonstop never ending migraine, body chills, the inability to eat (nor was I hungry) and the struggle of even getting up to go to the bathroom. I legit had to sit on the floor between my bed and the bathroom mid way there because I just did not have the energy that doesn’t sound accurate, I didn’t have the oxygen (it felt like) to continue walking that short distance.

I don’t take naps, I don’t believe in them. So for me to stay in bed for 3 whole days, something is wrong. Sadly only my daughter seemed to notice as my husband thought me snatching a Sprite I asked for out of his hand after leaving me at home all day was “not how someone who’s in pain acts”. I’m not entirely sure what that’s suppose to mean, but I still hear it in my head.

I had to be wheeled into the ER by the way because I literally could not walk. After doing check in stuff and getting into a room, they told me they’d like to keep me overnight because my heartbeat was irregular. I spent the rest of the night having tests, ultrasounds, CT scans done (all while my husband decided to go through my iPad messages while I was since I left it on my bed, turning my devices off wasn’t on my to do list at the time — that’s a different post for a different time though).

They found 3 cysts and one in my lymph node that “doesn’t seem serious”. The other 2 seemed fine but there was one that seemed like a “hard mass” and they suggested I get it checked again. Beyond that, my anemia had hit severe, due to a miscarriage I had 3 months prior that caused me to black out, while I was home alone with the baby. And yes, it was scary as fuck. And that’s coming from someone who was suffering from E. Coli poisoning and had to call 911 and by the time the medics finally got to me, I had lost a portion of my memory.

My life is so eventful.

I ended up getting a transfusion which immediately got rid of that migraine, everything they gave me at the hospital didn’t work either. It got rid of the weird blood scabs on my scalp I had been dealing with, I could breathe normally again, and while I was hesitant about getting the transfusion (and thank goodness the staff was so patient and answered the same question multiple times), I’m shocked at how quickly everything that was leaving me in pain, just disappeared.

Now I’m needing to maintain my iron levels and any slip up results in me getting borderline ER sick again. It’s frustrating. I hate it.

This year however, I ended up sick after coming back from a staycation for my daughter’s birthday. I caught wind of someone saying there were a lot of kids sick where we were staying, my kids weren’t really sick though but I came home sick. I guess severe anemia compromises your immune system — cool, another thing to look out for. Then I was getting severe mouth pain. It felt like every time I ate, drank or spoke the sides of my tongue felt like they were shredded or like there was fiber glass in them (if you’ve ever done guard and had fiber glass in my hand, imagine that but on both sides of your tongue). It was SO painful that I would literally cry while eating because it hurt so bad.

I couldn’t figure it out. Or where it came from.

Turns out it’s called glossitis, a condition caused by low iron or B12 deficiency. I was taking iron every other day, mostly to ensure that it wouldn’t make me sick or upset my stomach but I guess that dose wasn’t really helping as much as it did in the beginning.

I started taking iron every day to see if it would help, I also added B12 to the daily routine. It said that even taking them daily, I wouldn’t see any results for a few days to a few weeks or even months. Thankfully within a week things started to improve. While it was still painful, I could at least eat without wanting to cry.

I ended up spending my birthday at home, sick. I had to cancel my own staycation which I’m still bummed about. Along with these new found anemia side effects. My brain fog is getting so much more heavy and my energy is lower than I’d like. I keep forgetting that it is and end up disappointed I don’t get everything I use to be able to do — done. Especially when I have the day to myself.

I did shop for the Sephora VIB sale since it was in my birth month and I needed to get my birthday gift anyway. I finally got a hold of the LANEIGE Lippie in Lavender Frosting I was after.

I also made a Yankee Candle order for some of the Mother’s Day scents but I haven’t snapped a photo of all that yet. I did burn 2 of the candles already.

I wish I had something more optimistic to say, but right now, I really don’t. While I’ve managed to maintain my anemia to the point where I’m not getting any other surprise weird side effects, my energy levels are extremely low and I think it is SO unfair that periods are still a thing during perimenopause. Like how is that even fair?! My poor hormones are fried beyond belief.

… as is my sanity.